Fire at Work

SHE ABANDONED ME (Love's Down Side Challenge)

2008-08-19T16:26:00.001-04:00

SHE ABANDONED ME
(Love's Down Side Challenge)

I loved her
with everything in me
I loved her

I met her and I knew
that she would forever change my life
and she did

with the sweetest words
she rewrote my love realities
feeding me gentle kisses
and opening my soul
with her musings of we

she convinced me to
let down my guard
trust her like no other
she freed me from the bonds of
fear
hesitancy
and uncertainty

then that bitch ...
turned on me
even as she sang sweet songs to me
she was betraying our reality
with her singular pursuits
she destroyed my happiness
left me confused and unbalanced

all because she could no longer see
the viability of we

and I hate her
with every fiber of my soul
I hate her

the way she said my name
like no other
the way she fed me lies
like they were sweet pecan pies
the way she wrapped my heart
around her every single finger

only to leave me laying on the floor
heart broken
spirit bruised
soul in pieces
because she was really only a facsimile
of the love she pretended to offer me

and I hate her
with every fiber in my soul
I hate her

the way she used my weakness
to undermine me
used my secret desires
to unwind me
the way she used love
to seduce me into her web

only to abandon me
to empty memories tied to
soul searching uncertainties
as I struggle to create a new reality
outside of the one love seduced me into
and that bitch shattered so selfishly

and I hate her
with every fiber in my soul
I hate her

lovingly

Fire
08.19.08

CELIBACY (an Acrostic Piece)

2008-08-28T11:35:00.001-04:00

CELIBACY

Castrating my emotions by
Eliminating my sexual encounters because
Licking leads them to loving and I am
Incapable of loving them back so I
Bind my desires in activity and
Allow access only to my shallowest parts because
Constant flirtations with mediocrity leave me
Yearning for something that will touch my soul

... So I Wait ...

Fire

CHANGELING

2008-03-19T10:02:00.003-04:00

CHANGELING

I used to be
someone else
not physically but
spiritually

I used to prey on others
use their weaknesses
to get what I wanted
until one day ...
things changed

one day I bit an apple
with a worm that turned
and my transformation
was borne

I can't tell you why
that apple
on THAT day
changed my life
all I can tell you, is that it did

Now I spend my days
trying to make amends
if not towards the ones I've hurt
then by helping someone else

paying back to anyone
what I would have done to everyone
had I not changed
had God not changed me

but I wonder if
when I meet Him
He will see the sincerity in my heart
even though I know I will have to pay
for the sins I committed

and I will gladly pay the price
because I see clearly what a predator I was
but there is a trace of fear
fear born from knowing how badly
I treated others, mistreated them

but I move forward
doing what I can to make amends
in this life
before I am held accountable for my wrongs

and I hope that in the end
my life will show that
once I saw the error of my ways
I did enough good to make peace
with the many wrongs I did to others

Fire
01.08.08

NEVERMORE

2008-03-19T09:33:00.002-04:00

NEVERMORE

I braced myself
preparing for another onslaught
of your disappointment in me
or some unsolicited criticism
in regard to my ever growing list
of shortcomings

but it was for naught
it seems that today your harsh words
are having a very different affect on me
seems I don't really feel anything
even though this barage is more harsh
than the many before it

I hear you
every word you speak
is being recorded in my mental
but it seems to be missing it's true target
... my spirit

I have been freed
no longer do I care if I disappoint you
no longer does it matter if I fall short
of your expectations
and no longer do your words
affect me ... wound me ... hurt me

but you continue to speak
and I realize just how blind and unaware
you truly are
never once has it really been about me
and my countless faults
but rather
it's about you and your need to
stand on my back so that you can feel
taller ... stronger ... better

but no more
I am done with this verbal warfare
and I am removing myself
from the battlefield of your
externalized self-hatred

you see ... today I am freeing myself
and allowing you to truly experience life
without me to blame or malign
and no longer will I take your calls
or value your opinion
because your words were nothing more than
poison ... slowly killing me

but today I say .... nevermore
nevermore will you stand as I tumble
nevermore will you smile as I weep
nevermore will you exist as I fade away
because today and forevermore
... I am freed

Fire
01/07/08

I SEE, SHE SAYS

2008-03-19T09:37:00.007-04:00

I SEE, SHE SAYS

I see her standing
alone
under the misguided illusion
that she is part of something
bigger than her past singularities

I see her wishing
that she could make some things
different or better or ... more
but she isn't seeing the big picture
only the small snapshot she took
when first that other came her way

I see her slowly dying
spiritually at least
trying to make a silk purse
out of that sow's ear
and she berates herself every time
she suffers a setback or takes a misstep

I see her struggling
to make sense out of nonsense
and find peace even as she resides
at the center of chaos in it's truest form
but still she tries

I see her slowly folding in
shutting down the parts of her
that are fragile and gentle and kind
because for reasons I can't define
she'd rather exist partially in the midst
than alone on the outside

and that is truly her reality
this need to exist inside a nonexistent state
of misrepresented intentions
and misplaced affections
but still ... she remains

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that I am swimming
upstream in the midst of a storm
but I can't figure out another way

more than anything
I want her to be who she told me she was
not this ugly thing
that breathes in my goodness
and spews out harsh criticisms
and empty promises

I want to be respected
because I am good and kind
and not mistreated for those same things

I want her to see me clearly
and to acknowledge my worth
not push me aside and belittle my offerings
as if they aren't worthy of more

I want to escape the falsehoods she used
to call me to her and keep me there
until I was beyond the point of no return
and felt an obligation to stay and fight
for what she seems to treat so carelessly

I want to run away from her
without worrying about how she will
survive the storms of life
or how she will find her way on the darkest days
I want that not to be my concern

I want to not care if she cares
and not want her to want me to stay
I want to be freed
from this self-imposed sense of responsibility
that her illusory self seduced me to accept

and I wonder if I will be here this time next year
less myself than I am now
because she has stolen more of my goodness
and left nothing there in it's place
you see ... sometimes
... all I can find the strength to do
is wonder and hope and pray
for a new outcome
to this old and now familiar dance

Fire
01/07/08

EVER CHANGING

2008-03-19T09:51:00.003-04:00

EVER CHANGING

I see her over there ...
trying to be the person
others want her to be
but the change in her is
superficial at best
she isn't a better person
with a better outlook on life
she is the same person
with a new mask on her face
covering the ugliness inside
but no one sees it but me

she says this new love
is the best love
and that everything she's done
has been for the betterment of them
and yet, I don't believe it
see, change made for another
can only be temporary
and as fleeting as that love will surely be
so will these new changes she's making

she's an opportunist
and right now, opportunity is knocking
and begging her to pretend to be someone else
but she doesn't see it
I mean, I've tried to broach the topic
but she simply isn't hearing me
she's even called me jealous
so I let it be
but the end,
and i see it approaching,
will be an interesting one

And do you know
she's even joined church
I mean, I have no issue with religion
I think it's a personal matter but
she's a damn atheist
or at least she was until this latest incarnation
required her to love and embrace God
the hell and damnation from this pretend game
I don't even want to see
but like the end, I see it coming

so I've moved myself out of the way
taken a seat on the sidelines of her life
even as a part of me
the neverending optimistic part
hopes I am truly mistaken and that she
is exactly who she says she is
but hell
I'm a realist too
and reality states that what smells wrong
and looks wrong and sounds wrong
usually is

...but still

Fire
01/08/08

WITHIN A MOMENT

2008-03-19T09:20:00.003-04:00

WITHIN A MOMENT

In a moment of clarity
and in the midst of quiet reflection
I had an epiphany

see, from the first moment I can remember
I've wanted more from you
than you were ever able to give me

wanting you to hold me
and read to me
and put me to sleep
but never getting any of those things

wanting you to be proud of me
and excited about my achievements
seemed far too much to ask of you
so I silently wished
and desperately prayed

I watched my friends with longing
escaping to their homes so that I could at least see
what it was like to be loved and adored
openly and demonstratively

only to return home to you
a mother who had nothing to give me
but stern admonishments
and firm guidance without even a glimmer
of affection

never hugging me or kissing me
never telling me you were proud of me
never making me feel like I was enough
or that I was deserving and worthy

you failed me
emotionally you gave me nothing
and now ...
as a grown woman contemplating motherhood
I get it

it was never a rejection of me
but rather you doing what you knew to do
it was never that I wasn't enough
but rather that you had nothing more to give me
and now I see

that even parents make mistakes
and sometimes they really don't have the answers
I learned that sometimes love is given in the way that it can be
even if it isn't in the way that it's needed

so I accept you
as you are and will always be
without condemnation or judgement
I love you ... unconditionally and without resentment
and I promise myself
that I will love my children in all the ways I needed
and not in the way I was taught

Fire
03/12/08

GRACEFUL SUBMISSION

2007-09-07T15:34:00.000-04:00

GRACEFUL SUBMISSION

gracefully and humbly I tumbled into...
the reality of you and I and the evolution of we
never believing it was possible to be loved
in the same unconditional manner in which I gave it
I refused to acquiesce my emotional safety
to anyone that wasn't my spiritual equal

then along came you
your cognizance and spiritual awareness left me
speechless and completely in awe

you viewed me as your soul mate long before I
realized you were aware of me
gifted with the ability to see my spirit
you viewed me as the paradigm for spiritual perfection
and all who came before me were nugatory in comparison

I was overwhelmed by your desire for me

so used to being relegated to an ancillary level
... I was left speechless in the face of your declaration
that I was God created to be your Queen

I was unprepared for the level of faith you had in me

reading my words ... viewing them as a gift to be used
for His good ... you desired to assist me in ascending
to the level you were certain I was meant to attain
so I reveled in the evolution of we
... rested in your unconditional love for me

I took your hand, placed my trust in you ... and we stood

Together we traveled the bridge to nowhere
only this time ... there was a destination at the end
a place full of blue skies and beautiful clouds
a place for us to rest and be and grow and love

realization finally dawned on me as we embarked on this journey

it was never a bridge to nowhere
... I was simply unable to see it's reality
so mired was I in the misery of imagined failures
... I couldn't see the true worth of the journey
awaiting me at the end ... so I thank you ... my forever

for the clarification of you and I
and the reality of ... We

Lyrehc
(Fire)
08.24.06

BOUND

2007-09-07T15:28:00.000-04:00

BOUND

I am wrapped in chains
Bound
To something I can’t see or hear
I am stuck in this place
Glued to this spot
And the reason for that escapes me
So I stand here, in this spot
Bound
And unable to see my way free
Tied to the illusions
Of this illusory place
And the limitations I can’t quite see
Freedom has to be attainable
And yet I have no idea how to be
Free in my movements in my actions
Free to think myself out of this place
Bound
And desperate to be free
As the chains tighten around me
Constricting with every twist and turn
Refusing to let me go
And my mind is succumbing as well
To the reality of being trapped
Bound
By unseen restrictions and expectations
Bound
To this Never place, the Always place
Of limitations and boundaries
Bound
By those who claimed to know what was best for me
Long before they ever saw me
Bound
Because they want something better for me
Want me to be free to think and be whatever I want
But that can never be achieved
Because in their desperation to keep me safe
With their good intentions and far sightedness
They only achieved one thing
Me … restrained, restricted, repressed
In the name of my freedom they have me
Bound

Lyrehc
(Fire)
10.10.06

ADORATION

2007-09-07T15:26:00.000-04:00

ADORATION

I adore you
yes ... that's what I said
and yes ... I know what it means
to worship or honor as divine
to regard with loving admiration and devotion
so yes baby ... I repeat
I adore you

you stand before me
choosing me, needing me, wanting me
and I feel anointed by your love for me

time formerly viewed as wasted
now feels perfectly necessary to facilitate
my evolution into the woman you would deem
worthy of your love and affection

I was once held captive
under the tyranny of unhappy disillusion
but you bartered for my freedom
by promising my heart that this time
would be the right time

you persuaded me to deviate
from my commitment to remain in exile
devoid of love and happiness .. but also pain

with gentle urgings you persuaded me
to open the door and let you in

touching me with soul kisses
you clarified my reality and imbued me
with a desire to be your vision of me ... of we

looking at me
as if I am the most revered woman of all
desiring me
as if my beauty were truly incomparable to any other
holding me
in the highest esteem I've ever experienced
... you woo me

sweetly, softly, seductively
you pull out of me emotions I didn't know existed
I stand before you
raining emotive declarations of my love upon you
so that you can see what I feel

me needing you to join with me
on a cellular level
so that words will cease to be necessary
wanting to clarify any misconceptions you may have
as to the depth of my commitment to us
my dedication to we

so I am here ... before you
the physical manifestation of my inner self
my love for you laid out bare and naked
and I whisper to you
lovingly, passionately and sincerely

I Adore You

Lyrehc
(Fire)
08.14.06

DEFINITION OF WE

2007-09-07T15:30:00.000-04:00

DEFINITION OF WE

I can tell you who I am
and I am sure I know who you are
so let me define ... the essence of we

I breathe in, you breathe out
we breathe in unison
I move left, you move right
we move forward
I dream and forget, you dream and remember
we dream and comprehend
black and white with sepia tones
but technicolor are we
flying above the crowds of misery
choosing to create our own reality
where you and I don't exist
only we

barely remembered memories
of the time when you and I existed
outside of we and in total misery
incomprehensible to travel back
forward and united the only option of we
so I come to you with a desire to
clarify
dignify
magnify
the reality that was once separate
but is now simply defined by the essence
of we

LYREHC
(Fire)
08.14.06

DICHOTOMY

2007-09-04T17:07:00.000-04:00

DICHOTOMY

I am stronger than steel
and as fragile as hand spun glass
I am outspoken and loud
while quietly keeping my words inside
I refuse to be mistreated
as I soothe my emotional bruises
I am a survivor of life
even as I pick up my victim mantra
I scream so that I can be
unseen and ignored
I run forward so that I can
go back to where I first started
I climb higher and higher
so that I can stay on the bottom
I am fearless in the face of death
even as I beg life to never leave me
I surround myself with people
so that I can be completely alone

I am dichotomies existing
a mix of contradictions
releasing my hold on the opposites
so that reality can take hold
with no fear of the other side
the side that would cancel it out
choosing to be one with logic
and apart from the opposing sides
of my dichotomy ridden life

FIRE
06.27.06

WOUNDED

2007-09-04T16:15:00.000-04:00

WOUNDED

I am tired
battered and worn
by the repeated attempts
to connect
with a like mind
a kindred spirit if you will

solitary by nature
I still venture out from time to time
in the hopes that I might find
a place my heart can rest
and my spirit can be renewed
but that place is hidden from me

could it be that I am
unworthy?
undeserving?
unprepared?
I can't continue to reach out my hand
only to find myself alone
left to pick up the pieces of myself
I allowed to be exposed

the brief interludes of happiness
the glimpses of peace
aren't worth what each encounter
takes from me
my heart looks like a map
and in some ways it is just that
the map of my heartache
of my trials and tribulations

I am wounded
like a soldier caught in the crossfires
I am ducking and dodging
the mortar shells of pain
trying to find that shelter I hear so much of
the one where love is held
and nurtured and is allowed to grow
into the beautiful reality
I seek ... desperately
but it remains elusive
... unavailable to me

so I bandage the wounds
so that the damage is virtually
undetectable
trying to heal the scars
and I wait, hope nearly gone,
for she to come to me
so that my new reality can be born
from the remains of destruction
and disappointment
and dimming hope

FIRE
07.10.06

I COULDN'T BREATHE

2007-08-30T10:15:00.000-04:00

I COULDN'T BREATHE

I woke up this morning
and i couldn't breathe

my mind was overcome with thoughts
of saying goodbye to you
unsure how the end got here but certain
things will never be the same
and I couldn't seem to focus on
anything

I woke up this morning
and I couldn't breathe

because somewhere along the way
you became more than my love
you became my life ... my reason
my existence directly tied to you
and your presence in my life
but now, you are forever
gone

I woke up this morning
and I couldn't breathe

going through the motions of life
but no longer living it
I am a shadow of what I used to be
a hollow reminder of what we could have been
and I take a step towards nothing
because you are no longer at the other end of my
reality

I woke up this morning
and I couldn't breathe

I am dead on the inside
no longer capable of seeing the colors of happiness
or hearing the sounds of living
incapable of smelling the sweetness life used to offer
because my senses were heightened by you
my love, my life, my one ... and you are forever gone
see ... last night we talked and we cried and we said
goodbye

yesterday we stopped pretending that WE
was still a viable option and accepted that you and I
was all that was left
so we parted, separated, ended
and I found myself all alone in my bed
weeping for unrealized dreams and unreached potential
and I told myself that I would be fine ...
that I would survive
but this morning I found out
that I was lying to myself

see, when I woke up this morning
I couldn't breathe
because my reason for living
was gone from me

Fire
10.16.06

DIMMING

2007-08-29T11:12:00.000-04:00

DIMMING

today I feel like a spot
buried in a see of spots
unnoticed and unremarkable
overlooked and overshadowed

I woke up this morning feeling
different ... for me at least
and as the day has gone on
the feeling has grown into this
mountain of unspoken
and unacknowledged
and untapped emotions

I want to lie on the floor and cry
or throw myself at your feet and weep
oh wait, same thing ... see what I mean?

I feel like I am on a train to nowhere
taking a flight from my home and back
making useless tracks towards nothing
and I have no idea when this feeling
began ... started ... appeared

I am gripped by a sense of nothingness
I feel insignificant and unimportant
like I am the only one in the world
with no purpose or direction
like I am not worthy of having either really

I am tired and I am weary and I am sad
deep, bone deep, soul wrenching sad
the kind that makes you want to cry til you are
dry on the inside ... bereft of emotions

I've tried to find the source
the beginning point for this ugly feeling
but I have yet to locate it
and my desire to find it is waning
... dimming like an overly used bulb
in this life lamp I was placed in

Fire
03.22.07

EXISTING IN SILENCE

2007-08-29T10:59:00.000-04:00

Existing In Silence

Where are the Voices?
Where have they gone?
Were they murdered by apathy?
are were they silenced by unconcern?

I question because I am here
and I speak loudly but go unheard
and I wonder if this is the reason
those before me gave up and went home

How did we go from powerful and mighty
to silent and degraded and negated?
How do we sleep at night knowing that we
are the perpetrators of our current decline?

How do you stand for nothing
when your children pay the ultimate price?
How do you find room to complain
when you've done nothing to make things right?

So many died so that we could be free
but we've done nothing but dishonor the memory
of the sacrifices our forefathers made for us
the children raised fatherless for the greater good

He marched so that we could have choices
but I am sure he never imagined
that we would choose to do nothing at all
and yet that is the legacy his sacrifice has borne

We have taught our children nothing
and we continue to feed them false ideas
of what should be and could be
giving them limits and barriers
instead of unleashing their untapped potential
and assisting them in elevating a people
through their rightful pursuit of the american dream

There is no secret society hating on us
and no underground movement to stifle us
the true enemy knocking at our backdoor
and negating our reality and possibilities
is us ... the ones who chose to give up and give in

So I ask you, on the eve of another celebration
another free day to dishonor the memory
of those who thought we were fighting for
and dying for ... and speaking for

Where are the Voices?
Where have they gone?
Were they murdered by apathy?
are were they silenced by unconcern?

Fire
01.08.06

DIRECTION

2007-08-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

DIRECTION

trying to find my way
in this directionless existence
seeking answers
to unasked questions
and trying to make sense
out of the nonsense surrounding me

I am without direction
rutterless and unmotivated
and I need to change that
except
I don't really know how to

so much of my time spent
taking my queues from others
I finally find myself at my own mercy
and it terrifies me

what if, on my own, I make a mistake
what if I can't handle the responsibility
of living my own life
what if I fail
what if ... what if ... what if
I find that I am truly incapable of
independence
or prosperous singularity

what if I really NEED other people
to guide my life
and lead me around by the hand
the blind leading the clueless
damn
perhaps I should just sit here
wait on someone to tell me
what to do, what to think, how to feel

but wait
that's the opposite of living
that's existing for the benefit of others
and it makes me feel useless
and incapable
maybe I'll take baby steps
make small choices and see
if I screw that up
and if I don't ... will that mean
I am able
I am capable
*sigh*
damn ... I really do need to find my own
direction

Fire
01.19.07

ALONE

2007-08-29T09:35:00.000-04:00

Being alone
isn’t as hard as being with you

Alone I know who I am
With you I am always wondering
Alone I know what I want
With you I am always guessing
Alone I know why I do
With you I always fall short
Alone I don’t question myself
With you all I do is question
Alone I know that I love me
With you, I know you love someone
Alone I know what to expect
With you I never know what’s coming
Alone looks good now …
With you looks … like alone used to look

Perhaps it isn’t with you that’s wrong
Maybe it’s with me that isn’t right

Alone … think I’ll try that again
With you … is what alone used to look like

FIRE

HER

2007-08-16T10:12:00.001-04:00

HER
before your arrival
I was nothing more than a thought
existing without living
and breathing without inhaling
I was seeing through a dirty window
and hearing the echoes of a life unlived

then you arrived

in you I have been reborn
I am relearning how to live my life
and seeing the beautiful colors
through my tinted windows of you
I am the echo I used to hear
and that empty existence feels
like my imagination or an ugly nightmare

you give me a direction to walk in
and purpose for going that way
you make everything make sense
even the nonsensical things
I feel free to express the inner me
as you embrace my spirituality
without hesitation or fear

SHE

yes...i completely
undeniably know that before you
i was trapped within myself
and since you stepped out of my fantasy
and became my reality
you have unlocked my vault...
the place where i keep myself
from myself
and you showed me how to walk out with no chains.

my eyes have seen the glory
of you when you breathe into me
and i see the woman i have been dreaming about
for all these years.
my whole life
lived up til now with no expectations
and no promises
no guarantees
because without those there are no disappointments

spiritually
i walk with you...
seeing the same things and knowing the truth.
combined favor and vision deposit courage into our souls
to continue walking forward
towards the same Savior
who brought me to you.

WE

twin flames rising
entwining so that you can't see
where HER began and SHE ends
simpatico
unified
joined
to create this perfectly true reality
that feels like dreaming ... wide awake

A She-N-I Creation
2006

COMPROMISING LOVE

2007-08-10T13:07:00.000-04:00

Compromising
by definition
means that each of us gives up something
so tell me
what did you give up for us
what did you do without
what did you throw away

what did you refuse to buy
for the sake of you and I

I know what I gave up
in order for you and I to be
I gave up my wall that would have protected me
I removed my spiritual cloth
so that I would be bare before you ... naked
I gave up my individual way of thinking
so that I could unite with you
I gave up my cynicism so that I could embrace you
fully and lovingly

but I have no clue what you sacrificed
in the name of us
you seem to be just fine ... fully clothed
wall strong and unpenetrable
and thinking of only you ... oh yeah
you still have that
cynical? you? yes ma'am you are
believing I was like everyone else
even as you robbed me of my shields
and promised me you really were different
while planning to run roughshod over my emotions

I even remember that look of surprise
when it finally penetrated your skull that I truly did
love you
that my love was unconditional and all yours
but by then it was too late
by then you had yanked it out of my chest
and wiped your feet on it ... leaving ugly marks
and permanent scars ... scars I am still trying to heal from
so I sit here
rage eating away at the rest of my soul
turning me into the cold and emotionless woman
you call me now

but you have yourself to thank for this
even as you try to make peace? ammends?
fuck you
when I had the world in my hand
when I was ready to dip my soul in platinum
and have your name engraved in it for eternity
you spit in my face and tossed it back at me
as if it meant nothing
so keep your platitudes and half-hearted explanations
to yourself
I don't want to hear how unhappy you are
or how very sorry you were and how you never meant it
your insincerity is apparent

leave me in peace ... or my version of it at least
and consider yourself a closed chapter
in the lost books of my love .. compromised

Fire
07.25.06

SOUL

2007-08-11T22:18:00.000-04:00

"What does your soul taste like?" she asked

my soul tastes like heaven
as you taste of it you will be
elevated to a higher level of being
and you will see God the way I do
clearly and beautiful in His glory

my soul tastes like your favorite meal
comforting to your pained soul
and a salve to your spiritual wounds
cause even as you eat of my soul
you will feel yours being reborn

my soul tastes like the sweetest sweets
making you feel energetic and alive
with the power of my love for you
and my hope for your soul's survival
as you let go of the chains that bind you

my soul tastes like rain in the spring
fresh and new and rejuvenating
as it washes over you and erases the pains
of your worst experiences and darkest days
rain that replenishes the soil of your soul

my soul tastes like
hope and freedom and peace
my soul is here to feed you
whatever your soul needs

Fire

STRIPPED

2007-08-11T22:13:00.000-04:00

I am naked
my soul is unshielded
my heart is uncovered
and I am stripped bare before you
even as you throw more stones
and verbally lash me for things
you know you did to me

accusing me of wrongs
that you committed behind my back
and absolving yourself of guilt
with misplaced accusations
and still I stand before you
naked ... stripped ... bare

but I will not bow down
nor will you find me bending
under the weight
of your putrid lies and devious deceptions

I am bare before you
so that you can see what you will never be

you will never be honest with another
because you whisper lies to your own soul
and you will never know true love
because you have no idea what love really is
you will never be faithful
because deep down you are selfish and covetous
wanting what everyone has
even if you don't deserve it

I am naked before you
so that you can see me in all my purity
even as your eyes burn from the glow
of my rightful rightousness
and I am stripped bare
no longer is my soul covered
by the stinging lies you told
no longer is my heart wrapped
in the deceptive web you wove

I am free of you
and in my freedom I am bare
stripped naked before the world
because there is nothing in me
that needs to be hidden
only things in me that you placed
and I removed ... finally

08.06.07

WRITTEN

2007-08-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

you give me tummyflies
I mean flutterbies
oh damn ... you got me
tongue twisted
and mentally confused
discombobulated
see what you do?

I was writing last night
obsessively
creating new ways to say
how you affect me
leaving me feeling
free to be me
and me feeling free
to simply ... be

you walked into my life
healing me with your smile
looking into my soul
and removing the need for
words and explanations
you hear me when I think
and speak my reality

you are immersed in my mental
and slowly entwining with my spiritual
I feel rewritten and cowritten
and unwritten all at once
you are recreating me
and putting you in all the places
my soul needs you to be

never could I have prepared
for the reality of we
and yet here I am ... unsurprised
and unwilling to change
the essence of this ... our reality
remember ... you rewrote it
dotted my i's with a kiss
crossed my t's with a hug
and ended my sentences
with heartfelt I Love You's

me ... rewritten
and us ... cowritten
and the past has effectively been
unwritten

FIRE
07.11.06

LIMBO

2007-08-10T15:57:00.000-04:00

Desperately seeking answers
to questions I am too afraid to ask
wondering if you are even worth
the suppression of self
loving you demands
Seized with the realization that
walking away from you is my only alternative
in this battle for possession of me
choosing to divorce myself from your
glittering dysfunctionality
even as I pray I can rebound from this
the latest implosion of self that I have somehow
solicited in my desperate desire to be a part
of something so much bigger than I think I am
so I sit here quietly asking questions
and silently wishing for answers
to something only I can resolve or understand
wishing and hoping that one day
I am able to snatch back the parts of me
that you seized upon your arrival
and desperate for relief from this state of limbo
loving you has cast me into

FIRE
06.28.06

SUSPICION

2007-08-10T10:43:00.000-04:00

why do you question
my every move
why am I suspect
in the things that I say
could it be
that you are the one
doing things
that shouldn't be done?

I am above reproach
I don't lie
cheat
steal
and yet I have been branded
a suspect
by your suspicions
and past transgressions

most unfortunate for you
that my patience is gone
and this is the end
of us
but I will leave you with
a last piece of advice
and perhaps it will be useful
for your time after me

stop doing to others
what you don't want done to you
and you just might learn to live
without suspicion

Fire
03/15/06