WOUNDED

WOUNDED

I am tired
battered and worn
by the repeated attempts
to connect
with a like mind
a kindred spirit if you will

solitary by nature
I still venture out from time to time
in the hopes that I might find
a place my heart can rest
and my spirit can be renewed
but that place is hidden from me

could it be that I am
unworthy?
undeserving?
unprepared?
I can't continue to reach out my hand
only to find myself alone
left to pick up the pieces of myself
I allowed to be exposed

the brief interludes of happiness
the glimpses of peace
aren't worth what each encounter
takes from me
my heart looks like a map
and in some ways it is just that
the map of my heartache
of my trials and tribulations

I am wounded
like a soldier caught in the crossfires
I am ducking and dodging
the mortar shells of pain
trying to find that shelter I hear so much of
the one where love is held
and nurtured and is allowed to grow
into the beautiful reality
I seek ... desperately
but it remains elusive
... unavailable to me

so I bandage the wounds
so that the damage is virtually
undetectable
trying to heal the scars
and I wait, hope nearly gone,
for she to come to me
so that my new reality can be born
from the remains of destruction
and disappointment
and dimming hope

FIRE
07.10.06