SEEING THE TRANSPARENCY

I remember meeting you
and wanting you to be
as open to me as I was to you
and I recall the pain I felt
on a spirit level
when I realized the impossibility
of that one simple desire

bruised and battered
misused and disregarded
by so many unworthy before me
my arrival should have been
the culmination of fantasies
that drifted on sun drenched dreams
but that wasn't to be for us

even as I whispered to your heart
with the sincerity of my soul
even as I heard your heart
whisper, almost desperately, in response
a part of me knew the unreality of us

For one moment in our time
I was allowed to see the potential
of a union between we
what perfection your love is
so pure and so truly unconditional
but the lacerations to your heart
proved to be fatal
resisting all attempt to heal the wounds
and dying before it could be healed
by the alwaysness of my love for you

so I stand here ... defeated
and raging at the unfairness
of finding perfection locked away
behind a wall of pain
the key unavailable to me
and still I stand and still I wait
wishing and hoping and wishing
that the nightmare of our seperateness
was nothing more than that

wishing I would rise with the sun
and you would be sitting beside me
gifting me with my only wish
you open and willing and ready
for you and I to plurally dispel
the loneliness of singularity

but again ... us wasn't to be
a part of my reality so instead
I write poems filled with longing
and disappointment and pain
and I silently and fervently pray
daily and consistently
that the universe will reverse you and I
so that we can simply ... be

Fire
07.09.06