RETURN TO SANITY

weak in the midst of my agony
I allowed others to convince me
that I was wrong for feeling anything
other than what they determined was
appropriate given the time that had
passed

they negated my process
stifled my grief and created in me
a pain so deep I didn't want to wake up
I didn't want to do anything but hurt
and with no one to listen to me
I quietly spiraled out of control

I was self-mutilating my spirit
making small incisions on my psyche
just to find a way around the agony
of my broken heart
slowly I died on the inside
but I kept a smile on my face
for them

until one morning, when I was so lost
all I could think to do was pray
and I did ... with every fiber of my being
I asked God to heal me ... to give me peace
to help me find a way to do more than
exist in the midst of it

and when I rose up ... it was apparent to me
that what I needed to do more than anything
was express my emotions and allow my pain
to breathe ...

open the doors of my heart
and allow the agony to flow like a river
away from me ... so that I could at last
be free

free of silent pleas
and the feeling of complete invisibility
the silent raging in my soul
finally had a voice and it was loud and clear
and eventually ... I healed
eventually ... my heart was whole and my spirit
was at peace

who would have ever thought
that expressing my pain was the quickest way
to let it go ... and move forward
no longer stuck in a holding pattern
around my pain and misery

I was able to take flight
and soar into the realms of peace
and emotional well being ...
I finally found a way back to me

Fire
02.06.07