I'LL DIE

Inspired by the song ... "I'll Die" by Floetry ... which is also playing in this piece. Enjoy!

DEATH

I'll die
if I continue to stay here with you
I'll die
and it won't be the living death being with you has been
but a spiritual one that I may never recover from
days spent on my knees
praying on high for an answer, some direction
and the refusal to accept my response

that you are toxic
like cryptonite to superman you will destroy me
and I will cease to exist in any way that matters
so I pack my bags and gather my things
and I prepare myself for imminent departure
except ... I am still here ... still standing
still existing in the living death
my extinction close at hand

death of the spirit
no one can survive that ... no one should want to
never did I imagine that She who held my heart
would be the reason I cowered in the hallows of my mind
terrified and weak and still
in the hope that she would change and I would be free
to love the She I see on the inside
behind the malicious lies and poisonous attacks
on my person, my psyche, my spirit

but she is pervasive and invasive
like a weed in a garden she gains strength
with every new growth, every new incarnation
but so beautiful is She
giving the impression that she is nothing more than
a woman needing to love and be loved
bullshit ... all of it

dead
I will be dead if I stay here
so I run, taking nothing with me
belongings can be replaced by I have but one spirit
and I can't live without it so I run
undercover of night ... in secret and afraid even now
that she will use her inhuman hold on me
to call me back to her side by sonar or telepathy

so I cower in the corners of my banishment
speaking rapidly and loudly to myself
to drown any possible attempt of reclamation
she might impose on me and my spirit
and I weep ... soulful tears that hurt
and I pray ... fervent prayers, desperate
and I hide ... from She who would rather I die with her
than exist in any form on my own

Fire
10.18.06