DIRECTION

DIRECTION

trying to find my way
in this directionless existence
seeking answers
to unasked questions
and trying to make sense
out of the nonsense surrounding me

I am without direction
rutterless and unmotivated
and I need to change that
except
I don't really know how to

so much of my time spent
taking my queues from others
I finally find myself at my own mercy
and it terrifies me

what if, on my own, I make a mistake
what if I can't handle the responsibility
of living my own life
what if I fail
what if ... what if ... what if
I find that I am truly incapable of
independence
or prosperous singularity

what if I really NEED other people
to guide my life
and lead me around by the hand
the blind leading the clueless
damn
perhaps I should just sit here
wait on someone to tell me
what to do, what to think, how to feel

but wait
that's the opposite of living
that's existing for the benefit of others
and it makes me feel useless
and incapable
maybe I'll take baby steps
make small choices and see
if I screw that up
and if I don't ... will that mean
I am able
I am capable
*sigh*
damn ... I really do need to find my own
direction

Fire
01.19.07