DIMMING

DIMMING

today I feel like a spot
buried in a see of spots
unnoticed and unremarkable
overlooked and overshadowed

I woke up this morning feeling
different ... for me at least
and as the day has gone on
the feeling has grown into this
mountain of unspoken
and unacknowledged
and untapped emotions

I want to lie on the floor and cry
or throw myself at your feet and weep
oh wait, same thing ... see what I mean?

I feel like I am on a train to nowhere
taking a flight from my home and back
making useless tracks towards nothing
and I have no idea when this feeling
began ... started ... appeared

I am gripped by a sense of nothingness
I feel insignificant and unimportant
like I am the only one in the world
with no purpose or direction
like I am not worthy of having either really

I am tired and I am weary and I am sad
deep, bone deep, soul wrenching sad
the kind that makes you want to cry til you are
dry on the inside ... bereft of emotions

I've tried to find the source
the beginning point for this ugly feeling
but I have yet to locate it
and my desire to find it is waning
... dimming like an overly used bulb
in this life lamp I was placed in

Fire
03.22.07