COMPROMISING LOVE

Compromising
by definition
means that each of us gives up something
so tell me
what did you give up for us
what did you do without
what did you throw away

what did you refuse to buy
for the sake of you and I

I know what I gave up
in order for you and I to be
I gave up my wall that would have protected me
I removed my spiritual cloth
so that I would be bare before you ... naked
I gave up my individual way of thinking
so that I could unite with you
I gave up my cynicism so that I could embrace you
fully and lovingly

but I have no clue what you sacrificed
in the name of us
you seem to be just fine ... fully clothed
wall strong and unpenetrable
and thinking of only you ... oh yeah
you still have that
cynical? you? yes ma'am you are
believing I was like everyone else
even as you robbed me of my shields
and promised me you really were different
while planning to run roughshod over my emotions

I even remember that look of surprise
when it finally penetrated your skull that I truly did
love you
that my love was unconditional and all yours
but by then it was too late
by then you had yanked it out of my chest
and wiped your feet on it ... leaving ugly marks
and permanent scars ... scars I am still trying to heal from
so I sit here
rage eating away at the rest of my soul
turning me into the cold and emotionless woman
you call me now

but you have yourself to thank for this
even as you try to make peace? ammends?
fuck you
when I had the world in my hand
when I was ready to dip my soul in platinum
and have your name engraved in it for eternity
you spit in my face and tossed it back at me
as if it meant nothing
so keep your platitudes and half-hearted explanations
to yourself
I don't want to hear how unhappy you are
or how very sorry you were and how you never meant it
your insincerity is apparent

leave me in peace ... or my version of it at least
and consider yourself a closed chapter
in the lost books of my love .. compromised

Fire
07.25.06